Possible Scripts for Expressing Concern or Seeking Change
Because of the asymmetrical nature of any student-teacher relationship, some students may hesitate to speak up if they are uncomfortable. While Full Moon Zen’s teachers intend and hope you will never feel a need to express concerns, you may want to recall scripts such as these if you find yourself feeling uncomfortable with one of them (or any other teacher):
“What you just said makes me feel uncomfortable.”
“I feel you are crossing appropriate student-teacher boundaries by telling me that.”
“I’m not comfortable with you asking me to do/say that.”
“I am not unconcerned about your personal problems, but I am not here to help you with them.”
“Please don’t touch me.”
“Have you talked to a peer about the things you are telling me? If not, I feel obligated to let someone else know.”
There also may be situations in which it would be best to speak up even if you consider a teacher’s conduct to be perfectly acceptable. The following are two examples:
“I notice I am developing romantic feelings for you that are interfering with this relationship from my perspective. I do not feel you have invited or would encourage that, but I nonetheless think it would be best for me to work with a different teacher.”
Or, simply and for whatever reason, “I’d like to begin working with a different teacher.” It is perfectly fine to request a change of teacher without disclosing your reason(s) for it. There is no obligation to meet with a teacher, nor to justify your reason(s) for not wanting to do so.